desiderata - by max ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

do i have to spell it our for you...

Why can't I ever just tell someone I like them because apparently I don't drop hints so well or they're just not interested. This has always been the case. That, or I'm the one not interested. It never just works.

I'm weird with relationships. I think I know what I want, then I run.

I think I run because I'm scared; I'm scared that I might get hurt.

Or maybe I just haven't found someone who I know is worth it.

What is is about the winter and holidays that just makes you want to be in love? It is so silly that I inevitably get bummed out about something stupid during the greatest time of the year.  I am loved so much that the son of God died for me.  How ridiculous is it that I let myself be bothered by the imperfect love I receive from others? But we all do it, I suppose.  So here's to being content and joyful for the love I have done nothing to deserve or earn.

you're not the only one who gets to change the world

Do you remember a few months ago when I alluded to a campaign taking place within my church? Well, the campaign came to a climax this past weekend and the magic number has been revealed.

$46,006,903!

I didn't realize there was a target amount of money we were hoping to raise in order to accomplish all four of the initiatives, but apparently that goal was $30,000,000.  God said "I see your 30 million and I raise you 16 million." FREAKING INSANE!!! Ah, what a crazy journey the next 3 years will be.

do you remember when you were young and you wanted to set the world on fire

This year my friends and I are all turning the big 2-5. We're so old, right? haha. It feels it at times, especially as more and more friends get married, have kids and start their careers. We celebrated my 25th back in September with a fire, food, cornhole, and fun. I don't have any good pictures from that night because I was too busy cleaning and trying to be a good hostess. I cannot really relax and enjoy myself when the party is at my house. Kinda sucks.  So I made up for it earlier this month as I helped my girl Alisha ring in her quarter-of-a-century birthday right.  We started our night off at a hibachi restaurant - you know where they cook the food right in from of you.  The chef kept joking with Alisha's son and even pulled out some doll that fake pees on you.  He enjoyed it.

alisha's parents look so bored in all the pictures i have

he was scared of the flame

All was going well until one of the waitresses came yelling past our table for a doctor or a nurse.  Apparently an elderly woman had a heart attack or something and was not breathing.  My friend, Laura, being a nurse got up and ran over to help.  It was a complete shock and we were all sort of speechless as we waited for the paramedics to come and know what was going on.  When Laura returned she said she was unable to locate a pulse and we all came to the devastating conclusion that the woman did not make it.  It was a little unsettling trying to go back to our dinner and thinking about it now, we certainly pushed it out of our minds easy enough - perhaps too easily - and enjoyed the rest of our night.  [does that make us horrible people? i hope not.]

After dinner we headed to Gangsters, a dueling piano bar.  I went to my first one in New Orleans this summer and thought it was a blast.  We requested to have them sing happy birthday, figuring they'd make her do something funny, but our request was overlooked or something.  Towards the end of the night, after much liquid encouragement and most of our friends had already left, I demanded they dedicate a song to my girl. I don't even remember what the song was now, but I know they had her chugging a beer and doing all sorts of dance moves.

I love how frightened Emil looks!

Alisha's regulars at Muz's bought shots all night.

We had a little fun goofing around with the pole. 

my kissy face is angry

my Batac loves.

favorites <3

this heart will start a RIOT in me

I need to get away to a remote cabin somewhere free from all of life's distractions.
Free from technology and people.
Somewhere I can read, sleep, and contemplate life.
And simply be ALONE.
To take in the beauty of nature and all the little things I take for granted.
I need to read the Bible, period.
To pray, meditate, what-have-you...
And get my head in a good place.

Not that I can't achieve this where I live and in my everyday life.
But it's certainly easy not to.
And to get caught up in all the crap we're bombarded with on a daily basis.
That does nothing to improve quality of life.
But insist I need more of this or that to be happy.
That I need to dress a certain way; listen to a certain type of music; participate in specific hobbies in order to be a person of worth.
In this moment, I just hate it all.

surfers know how to say goodbye

I am not a fan of surfing, nor do I know Andy Irons, but this breaks my heart.

Obviously a beloved surfer. Such a touching moment. My heart breaks for his wife and the son who will never meet his father.


Read more about his story here.

When his son wants to learn about his father, he'll be told of a complex man who lived hard and fast and who struggled mightily to overcome problems that he was never able to talk about.

Lord, I believe, but help with me with my unbelief. 

there's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light

As of today, it has officially been 8 weeks since Baxter first got sick.  If you remember from my initial post on Bax, the average life expectancy once the tumor has been discovered is 6-8 weeks (Baxter has an incurable tumor on his spleen, in case this is all new to you).  We've made it to this point and he has not had any relapses, in terms of becoming weak or lethargic since he first acted that way in September (knock on wood).  Our vet called the other day to see how he was doing, admittingly afraid that he had already passed away, so I take that as a good sign.

He has still been very active with our other dog, Mocha.  Mocha is only a year old and constantly wants to play, so I think it helps keep Baxter active and feeling good.  Baxter has also been milking his illness for all it's worth; enjoying his free pass to lay on the couch whenever her wishes (something that drives my stepdad insane for whatever reason).

They both love the new diet I have Baxter on.  Of course, I can't give it to one and not the other, so Mocha is now partaking in the bone and raw food diet (BARF).  I found out our local Asian Supermarket has a wider selection of meat than Kroger's, so I started shopping their yesterday.  (the following pictures may gross you out). They say you're supposed to give them a variety of meats and vegetables because continually giving them the same thing can cause allergies.  I read online about a woman who gave her dog chicken feet, which to my surprise the Asian market carried.  So, I picked up lamb, chicken feet and duck wings.

As gross as the raw meat looks, it's Baxter's favorite part of the meal.  I usually give him his cottage cheese, flax oil, vegetable combo (along with other vitamins) first and then send him outside with the meat.  He inhales it! Well, the meat anyways.

Hopefully things will continue to go as well as they have thus far.  As corny as it sounds, Baxter is part of my family and the thought of losing him is..well, something I don't want to think about.  I'm really praying he is going to be one of those miraculous cases, where he lives for several more years with the disease.

we don't need our heads 'cause our bodies are young.

Roughly a week and a half ago, I got to see my favorites, Motion City Soundtrack, along with Say Anything, Saves the Day, and A Great Big Pile of Leaves. The show was awesome, per usual. It was AGBPOL's first night on the tour.  We were a bit late getting there and missed part of their set, but what I heard was amazing.

Ok, so I've never been the type of fan to stay for the meet 'n great with the band.  First and foremost I come for the music.  There have been occasions where I have even gone to a band's show for the first time and didn't even know what the guys looked like (way different from my NSYNC days haha).  Plus, I am a completely shy and awkward human being when it comes to starting conversation with anyone I do not know.  Alisha apparently is not that way and as we were listening to the STD set, we noticed the AGBPOL guys hanging at their merch station behind us.  She insisted we go ask for a picture and practically had to drag me over to them.  Again, being the shy person I am, we took the picture and I abruptly returned to our table, not saying a word to Pete (lead singer of AGBPOL and gentleman featured above). No, "hey you guys sounded amazing...I'm glad Jesse raved about you guys nonstop"... nothing. Proud moment.  Needless to say, this is probably the first and last picture I will ever take with any member of a band whom I've gone to see live.

Surprisingly, I never really listened to STD prior to this show.  I got some of their music a few weeks before seeing them live, and I definitely think I would have dug them more during my first years of college based on where I was at in life.  You know how there is some music you only listen to when you're feeling a certain way?  Well, that's how I feel STD is, and would have had a bigger impact on me 4-5 years ago.  But still good stuff, regardless.  Say Anything and MCS really haven't made music that completely gets me on a personal level, but it's always fun and interesting; so much talent and creativity.  And even when they sing about something dark, it's usually always an upbeat tune.  I cannot wait to hear what either of these bands will do next.

John and I being total clowns.

Emil. Me. Alisha.

Even as a fan of SA, I wish they weren't the last band at the Cincy stop of this tour because I would have much rather seen a MCS encore.  But all in all, the show was a blast.  I drug along with my friend, Alisha, and her husband, Emil, who were new to all of this music (my friend John also attended, but he was already hip). The week before, I made Alisha a few MCS/STD/SA mixes so she would be familiar with it. I was surprised to see her singing along during the MCS set, so apparently she did her homework.

Her iphone takes better pictures than my camera.

Emil making fun of the way I take self-portraits.

Clearly this is not the face I make.

holy crap balls

college is expensive! anyone have around $57,000 i can have to pay off my school loans? not to mention how much i'm going to continue paying in interest. gahhh! good grief!

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me your heart for the once forgotten

Give me your eyes so I can see

We will be your hands

We will be your feet

We will be the ones

that run to those in need

<3

unbound.

(Ohio is ranked in the top 5 of Human Trafficking states. Scary.)

It's so awesome to see the amazing things that are taking place in our city, especially by empowered youth. Right on. Faith does not simply mean sit back and just pray for God to fix the world's problems. If you feel called to fight against the injustice of this world, then do it. I'm am constantly surprised and in awe of the every day, average person creating change. I firmly believe we are the answer to problems of this world.

This weekend I hope to be volunteering with the Fair Trade Market at the Freedom Center. Between 11 a.m. and 4p.m. you can get into the Freedom Center for free. There will be donation boxes set up throughout the Freedom Center for you to help the cause of raising up abolitionist to fight modern day slavery. Along with participating in the Fair Trade Market, you will also be allowed to experience the other exhibits at the Freedom Center. Here are a list of vendors that will be selling items such as clothing, jewelry, toys, handbags, etc.. There is also a Freedom March after the market has closed, which will end up at Sawyer Point where a concert and celebration will ensue. You can park at the Central Riverfront Parking Garage for $4.50

There will also be speakers at the Freedom Center. Srey Neth, who was victim of sex-trafficking, will be sharing her story.  I highly encourage you to check out the event this weekend if you live anywhere near Cincinnati.  Read more about the Unbound Movement here.

This video breaks my heart and gives me hope all at once. To see her smile and laugh after all she has been through is amazing. What strength; what courage. Many blessings to this girl. May she live a long and healthy life so she can continue to help other victims become survivors.

AB goes to Prom

As you may or may not know, I provide homemaker/personal care for a girl with special needs.  I have been an unofficial part of her family for almost four years and every moment has been an absolute pleasure... ok, maybe not every moment. A little over a month ago, AB attended her first formal dance (Vineyard Community Church annually holds a prom for individuals with disabilities).  She was invited by another provider, Jenna, and her husband, Mike, who stood in as AB's date.  Jenna went all out in order to make this a memorable night for AB and her family. She got photography services donated and a hair/makeup stylist (which unfortunately fell through).  Jenna also had food donated for everyone to eat while getting the girl ready for her big night. Friends of AB's family even booked a limo for the night.  And most importantly, hours upon hours, days upon days were spent trying to find the perfect dress.

just 2 of the (about) 20 we tried on her

AB and her entourage

First dance with her date, Michael

Taking a break with her mom

Dancing with her dad (popcorn is our secret weapon)

laughing hysterically at Jenna booty dancing on her

This video is horrible quality and probably not too pleasant on the ears, but it's the only footage I have of AB dancing. How cute is she? I wish I had all the professional photos that were taken.  The photographer loved being a part of AB's big night and she made this great book full of the proofs. I hope this is something we'll continue to do with AB because even though it was a lot of work, it was a ton of fun.