party on, Garth.

A friend's mother lost her battle with brain cancer this morning. Ironically, I had felt the urge to send her a message containing a verse from this past Sunday's service. Little did I know, the next response would be conveying the news of her mother's death. I have been following along as her family has documented this difficult journey on wordpress, as a means of keeping all their family and friends on the same page. The hope and love that is bursting from each entry has amazed me all along. They have maintained a sense of joy, humor, and gratitude throughout all the chemotherapy, negative MRI's, and the uncertainty.  What wonderful hearts and faithful souls. I'm praying for an abundance of peace for all who grieved by this loss.  May they celebrate the wonderful woman she was and rejoice in the knowledge that she is spending eternal life with our Father in Heaven.  I know for some that comes as such a cliche, but God has been their crutch in the midst of this long and painful journey.  And I pray that they continue to lean into him as they begin to mourn.  Rest in peace,  Mrs. Whalen.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf." - Hebrews 6:19-20

Integrity: How to pay for a free cell phone

I'm currently reading To Own A Dragon by Donald Miller, and although I have been highlighting and dog-earring pages all along, I had to stop and share this one passage from the book.  In case you are unfamiliar with DM or this book, it's a series of understandings Don comes to learn regarding growing up without a father; what it means to be a man; how your father shapes your view of God, etc..  This piece I'm about to summarize is by no means revolutionary or even that great of a story, but it's the simplicity of it that is so striking.

Don was showing his new phone off to his friend John and explaining how he had come about getting it for free.  The store he went to had a new computer system and it didn't have their records to verify if his phone was still under warranty.  He told a seemingly little white lie, saying that the phone was only around a year old, and they replaced it for a newer model free of charge.

Don and John continue discussing other things and then John asks if Don has ever seen The Family Man with Nicolas Cage.  John proceeds to describe this scene in the movie where Cage is in line at a convenience store and the girl in front of him is purchasing something for 99 cents.  She hands the clerk a dollar and the clerk counts out and hands to her 9 dollars in change.  The girl doesn't correct him and as she's walking out the door, the clerk stops her and asks if there is anything else - giving her another chance to be honest, but she shakes her head no and walks out.  Then the clerk looks at Cage and says "Did you see that? She was willing to sell her character for nine dollars. Nine dollars!!!"

Nothing else is exchanged on the subject for a few minutes and they go about discussing other topics.  Then Don finally asks if John thinks that he has done the same thing as the girl in the film.  In truthful, non-judgmental way, John agrees stating that "the bible talks about having a calloused heart. That's when sin, after a period of time, has so deceived us we no longer care whether our thoughts and actions are right or wrong. And we have to guard against that."  Again, the subject is changed and nothing more is exchanged between the two of them.  Don reflects on this a bit further and as he flips through the channels on tv.  He stops to watch a post-Watergate interview and is annoyed at how innocent Nixon looks. Don wonders why he couldn't just admit he had done something wrong, but realizes cheating to get ahead in politics is hardly considered a crime today.  The next day Don went back to the Sprint store, and although it cost him more than nine dollars, he got his character back.

So, you may have just read this and are thinking "big deal."  In fact, you may be thinking Don is an idiot for passing up a free phone.  Accepting the phone free of charge probably did not hurt Sprint in any way, nor is he condemning himself to hell for telling a white lie.  But in this moment, and with the help of a friend who cares about Don's spiritual maturity, he chose not to be like the rest of the world.  He chose not to fall into a pattern of behavior that did not honor God's character.  He chose to recognize that even the littlest of decisions can separate us from being the person we are striving for, and he refused to compromise himself.  I don't know.  I know it's something that seems so little, but it seemed huge when I read it.  I've probably done a horrible job of conveying the magnitude of the story, and I think my interpretation was highly influenced by the position of my heart.

spit your best game at me

So, my friend Allie, miss blog stalking extraordinare, has been following a girl named Kelly for almost two years.  Apparently Kelly is quite a popular blogger, with over 9,000 followers (good grief girl!) and has started a sort of blogger match-making service.  Once a year, or however often, Kelly asks all of her followers to blog about one ,or several of their single friends, and register them through her site.  You can take a look at this year's post here. Supposedly, three couples were matched up after she did it last year and two of them are now engaged.  I don't really know the details of how it all worked out, but you get the gist.

As I was having coffee with Allie, today, she starts telling me about this and how she wants to blog about me.  I don't really remember my initial reaction, but I'm sure it included laughter.  In fact that may have been my only response.  I think the whole thing is sort of silly and have never ventured into online dating, nor do I think I ever will, but it was pretty flattering to read all the nice things Allie had to say about me!  I certainly think I sound like a catch! ;-)

I have no doubts Allie will be surfing through all the eligible bachelors (although from a quick glance, the list seems to be predominantly females) and sending me the links to the associated blogs.  It's a fun idea, and I'm sure it's possible to meet someone in a non-traditional way.

Now, my girl Mya is gonna take it away with my single lady anthem.  I'm only kidding; except the "I can't stand a man who thinks he looks better than me" part. I mean come on. [jokes]

i always cry at endings..

Baxter just wanted to say a quick hello to the blog world and let you know he is still doing well.  I can't remember if I posted about our most recent vet visit, BUT the vet said he is the healthiest-looking sick dog he has ever seen.  And he has gained weight, which is a good sign as well.  He could still feel the tumor upon physical examination, but it doesn't seem to be affecting him as of now (knock on wood). It's been nearly four months since he first got sick, and I'm hoping he'll continue to stay strong for another four, bare minimum. He acts as youthful as ever and I've taken advantage of being home and loving on him constantly.  I keep praying that when his time comes, he'll go painlessly in his sleep.

now playing: Belle and Sebastian

I was given a small assignment in my women's discipleship group to start trying to memorize bible verses. These are the three we were asked to choose from, and I'm merely posting them here for my reference.

• Am I now trying to win the approval of people or of God? If I were trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10
• The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you may live in fear again. Rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him, we cry, "Abba Father" (meaning Daddy) - Romans 8:14-15
• For the Spirit of God does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. - 1 Tim 1:7

the perfect space..

In accordance with the new year and beginning to work on resolutions (or goals/habits as I may refer to them from now on), I've decided to sort of revamp my blog.  I can't promise this will mean I will post more, although that is one of my goals if you read my previous post.  In service today the topic of spiritual growth was being discussed and it was suggested that it should be measurable.  In other words, we should be able to pinpoint a number of different things that are indicative of growth.  As a means of keeping track of that for myself, I want to start using this blog, in conjunction with my personal journal, to document those changes.  Of course, I will still likely post on life's occurrences and include plenty of pictures.  I think it'll be helpful to reflect on things I'm learning; either in service, small groups, or through reading the bible.  I don't expect that everyone who reads my blog or stumbles upon it will care to read what I have to say about God, but maybe my discoveries or struggles will help someone else in their journey.  At least, that's what I'm telling myself. ;)

Today has been sort of therapeutic.  It was the first service of the new year and Crossroads' first service since December 12th.  I attended by myself, which is not new, and I kind of enjoy going alone.  I have admittingly missed our senior pastor's humor and inappropriateness.  Speaking of; I must share this week's joke. "Facebook is a lot like prison. You waste a lot of time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know."  hahaha. Totally not what you'd expect to come out of a pastor's mouth, but he's funny right?

Ok, so there is A LOT more that I took away from that service than that joke.  I've gotten into the habit of taking notes during service and it really helps me to remember key points that stuck out for me, or be able to reflect on them later.  Too often I just sit there thinking how the message applies to someone else I know, and I'm determined to break free from that because it's NOT helping me grow at all.

I have also missed worship.  Some of the songs really resonate with me and often bring me to tears.  This weekend was no exception.  In fact, I'm including the lyrics to Before the Throne of God because it is an absolutely beautiful song and describes the love of God in a way that just grabs hold of my heart.

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong, a perfect plea:

A great High Priest, whose name is Love,

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,

My name is written on his heart;

I know that while in heaven he stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look, and see him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,

My sinful soul is counted free;

For God, the Just, is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

To look on Him and pardon me

Behold him there, the risen Lamb

My perfect, spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I am,

The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by his blood

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ, my Savior and my God

With Christ, my Savior and my God

After service I was feeling prompted to have someone pray for me.  Crossroads has volunteers who will come to you in your seats and pray for you directly after service.  Stupidly, I felt embarrassed or something to remain sitting in my seat and wait for the volunteer to come to me, and proceeded to follow the crowd toward the exit.  Then I spotted one of the prayer volunteers and headed to seek her out instead.  Some people do truly have the gift of prayer.  I gave her a very rambled version of what I wanted her to pray for and she turned it in to this eloquent speech to God.  It was perfect.  As nerve-wracking as it can be to have someone pray over you, it feels amazing! I want to echo that prayer a thousand times over this coming year.

Upon leaving church, I headed off to pamper myself some more.  I treated myself to lunch at Potbelly's and sat and read while waiting until it was time for my hair appointment.  I don't know why anyone is afraid to eat alone.  It's always interesting to people-watch or hang out and read a book.  I only got o hang for about twenty minutes and then walked over to Identity to get my hair cut.  My friend Chelsea has done my hair for years now, and I have never had a complaint.  Granted there have been times it's taken me a little while to get used to my hair, but that's because I did something new; not because she did a bad job.  So if you're in the market for a new stylist, I would highly recommend.

Alright, this has turned out way longer than I expected, and I've hardly said anything significant, so I'll shut up now.  Hope everyone's year is off to a great start!

now playing: the avett brothers