letters from my former self

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed 11 months and 29 days ago, on October 28, 2011. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org

Dear FutureMe,

I'm hoping in a year from now you are over this current mess with "crushes." I pray you stop having feelings for the wrong people; that passion and compatibility are qualities of the relationship you have with the man you marry. I hope you have found love in a Godly man, and if not, that you would be content in knowing the Lord's love is more than enough. I imagine you have found a home by now or at least out of yo mamma's house! Lol. I hope life has taken you to exciting and new places in the past year and that you have experienced amazing growth. I pray that you are experiencing joy and the Lord has continued to transform your heart. Life is beautiful. You are beautiful and have infinite worth. I pray that you are embracing that and sharing it with the world.

So be it.

The timing of this letter being delivered to me could not be more perfect or more relevant.  I was JUST talking about this topic with my journey group on Thursday and again with my mentor on Friday. This desire for the approval of a man through being pursued or married is something I have struggled with, even un-admittedly, for years and have experienced situation after situation in which I have become infatuated with the idea of someone (i.e. the aforementioned "crushes").  And in those situations I have put aside the truth of what the Lord wants for me in my husband and on some level I have settled.  Not settled, in that I began a relationship with these boys, but I continuously allowed my emotions to be tangled up in something unhealthy/unholy. 

I refuse for this to continue to be my story. I will trust the Lord knows the desires of my heart and he will fulfill them. I will ask HIM what are important qualities in my future husband and consider most importantly his walk with the lord. I refuse to continue to ascribe my worth or fulfillment in life to a relationship status. I will believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that is true of me regardless of any man's opinion or capability of loving me.

What I have to Offer..

Sorry Freud, but God is the author of Psychology

I love when things from my professional world collide with that of my spiritual.  Granted the two are always meant to be intermingled, but I'm not allowed to openly discuss my faith or belief with my clients.  But it's encouraging that the scientific principles and theories we utilize with our clients are not just researched/evidenced based, but also founded in Truth. The daily devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries was just an awesome reminder of that this morning.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV) 

Have you ever had the thought, "What's the use? I'm just a stuffer." Or, "What's the use? I'm a just a yeller." 

That may be partially true, but I believe there is more to it than just claiming because we act a certain way, that's the way it will always be. 

Brain research shows that every conscious thought we have is recorded on our internal hard drive known as the cerebral cortex. Each thought scratches the surface much like an Etch A Sketch. 

When we have the same thought again, the line of the original thought is deepened, causing what's called a memory trace. With each repetition the trace goes deeper and deeper, forming and embedding a pattern of thought. When an emotion is tied to this thought pattern, the memory trace grows exponentially stronger. 

We forget most of our random thoughts that are not tied to an emotion. However, we retain the ones we think often that have an emotion tied to them. For example, if we've had the thought over and over that we are "unglued," and that thought is tied to a strong emotion, we deepen the memory trace when we repeatedly access that thought. The same is true if we decide to stuff a thought—we'll perpetuate that stuffing. Or if we yell, we'll keep yelling.
We won't develop new responses until we develop new thoughts. That's why renewing our minds with new thoughts is crucial. New thoughts come from new perspectives. The Bible encourages this process, which only makes sense because God created the human mind and understands better than anyone how it functions. 

A foundational teaching of Scripture is that it is possible to be completely changed through transformed thought patterns. That's exactly the point of today's key verse, Romans 12:2.
Scripture also teaches that we can accept or refuse thoughts. Instead of being held hostage by old thought patterns, we can actually capture our thoughts and allow the power of Christ's truth to change them: 

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV) 

I don't know about you, but understanding how my brain is designed makes these verses come alive in a whole new way. Taking thoughts captive and being transformed by thinking in new ways isn't some New Age form of mind control. It's biblical, and it's fitting with how God wired our brains. 

I can't control the things that happen to me each day, but I can control how I think about them. I can say to myself, "I have a choice to have destructive thoughts or constructive thoughts right now. I can wallow in what's wrong and make things worse, or I can ask God for a better perspective to help me see good even when I don't feel good." 

Indeed, when we gain new perspectives, we can see new ways of thinking. And if we change the way we think, we'll change the ways we act and react.