Today, I choose praise.

Yesterday I began to post:

I feel like I'm in one of those places where I am dissatisfied with things in life. And, honestly, it's all a matter of perspective. One main area of my life I feel that is lacking and my whole attitude is off. I'm realizing lately how little my hope is in God and how much I've placed it in my vision or in others. This has continually proven to be a disappointment. As humans, we are flawed and sinful and we screw up regularly (not always purposefully, but we do)! When I put my hope in these things, I should expect to experience disappointment.

Today, my attitude is completely different. Thankfulness is state of mind.  I'm convinced it has very little to do with what we do or do not have.  It's a choice to see the tiniest of blessings and to fix your eyes on those things.  This morning I got a chance to serve a group of women at Having The Courage To Change who understood the meaning of being thankful; who knew what it meant to praise the Lord.  I saw real joy and hope as I listened to several women share their history of addiction and homelessness.  And here they are thanking God for each breath; for curtains and clean bed sheets.  When have I ever thanked God for those things?  NEVER. This is evidence of the Spirit; this is true heart change; this is true joy and hope.  How much easier it should be for me to find things to be thankful for and how easily I take for granted all that I have.  Thank you God for humbling me and showing me what an ungrateful child I can be.  And thank you for loving me in spite of that.

Waking up this morning I chose to start my day with thankfulness, as I texted many of the people that I love thanking them for their presence in my life.  It has changed my perspective going forward throughout the day and I want to continue to sing God's praises because He has been so good to me and I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  Looking through this lens, I'm able to look past disappointment and begin to rest in God's goodness. And no matter how the rest of the day pans out, this love and the joy that I felt this morning was more than enough.

boss your heart around

King David was really good at telling his heart and soul what to do. In Psalm 103 he said: "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name" (vs. 1). I decided to follow his example. In the midst of my turmoil and troubles, I told my soul to praise the Lord. 

Now this wasn't a superficial "say your bedtime prayers" talk to my soul. No, this was a deep-down, preach it to my inmost being, "GOD IS GOOD no matter what your feelings are telling you" sermon. I bossed my heart with Truth and pulled it away from the pit by telling myself to "forget not ALL his benefits" (Ps. 103:2). 

Then I walked my heart down memory lane, reminding it of the One who:
Forgives all [my] sins and heals all [my] diseases,
who redeems [my] life from the pit
and crowns [me] with love and compassion,
who satisfies [my] desires with good things
so that [my] youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Ps. 103:3-5 NIV)

I cannot even pinpoint a reason for the way I currently feel or even a good way to describe it; other than perhaps blah, which makes the feeling even more unfounded and annoying. There's a lot unfolding around me and big changes happening in people's lives, but none of it directly involves me.  Yet, somehow I feel like I'm carrying the weight of it and feeling discouraged and angry when things are not going "our" way.  My current response is to want to isolate and escape.  I have this intense desire to hide away in a remote cabin in the woods and curl up in front of a fire with a book and just forget the world.  I think part of this desire stems from this false notion that I have to fix it all and support everyone.  I don't know...but that's all I've got for now...

Psalm 43:5, "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!" (NLT)