Courage, Compassion and Connection

As I indicated in my previous Gifts of Imperfection entry, Brown states that practicing courage, compassion and connection in our daily lives is the way we cultivate worthiness.  Okay, great...but what does that look like and what does it even mean to be courageous, have compassion, or what does it take to feel connected?  And as we have previously considered at my church, the meaning of words is important.  The definition we find in scripture is often quite different than the meaning the world gives.

(click here if you want to check out the series)

In beginning her research on Wholeheartedness, Brown noticed re-occurring themes of things to do or not do in order to cultivate worthiness:

Do:
worthiness. rest. play. trust. faith. intuition. hope. authenticity. love. belonging. joy. gratitude.

Don't:
perfection. numbing. certainty. exhaustion. self-sufficiency. being cool. fitting in. judgment. scarcity.

Talk about being authentic; Brown acknowledges that after discovering that she fell under the "Don't" list, she tucked away all of her research in effort to try to avoid this hard truth for over a year before wrestling through it.  In her being honest about this fact, I think it extends a lot of grace to readers who have similarly avoided facing the reality of their brokenness.  At least, I'm comforted in knowing that I am not alone in that. And then when she did finally go back to recognizing the current reality of her life, she sought a therapist and requested "tips and tools" on how to acquire more of the things on the "Do" list.  Is that not the response we all would have?  Especially in America. We want a quick and easy fix; we don't want to deal with the mess of the process. As I mentioned in the last entry, Brown refers to her process as a Breakdown Spiritual Awakening. She suggests this type of unraveling can occur at midlife or following other significant events, such as marriage, divorce, becoming a parent, recovery, moving, an empty nest, retiring, experiencing trauma or loss, or working in a soul-sucking job. I love her quote: "The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."  Boy, do I LOVE the snooze button. I mean that literally, but that's another issue.

As I consider journal entries from when I was in high school and perhaps even into college, I recognize that there has been a significant shift in knowing and accepting myself.  I recall reflecting upon an entry from my journal a couple years ago during A Journey Home that I had written about five years prior to the journey that was essentially a plea to feel known. I believe a huge part of feeling known greatly has to do with what Brown is writing about in this book in terms of being brave enough to love and show who you really are.  I know I lived in fear of this place for a long, long time.  But through seeking community, having others model vulnerability and experiencing that it's not so scary. I recognize areas of my life where I have certainly found freedom just to be.  In fact, if I reflect upon the "Do" list, there are a lot of those that are present in my life and in my relationships.

However, I'm beginning to recognize that there is a disconnect with being wholehearted in my relationship with God.  I don't think I'm afraid to face my own brokenness or be honest about who I really am when it comes to relationships with my friends, fiancé and, to an extent, with my family.  Yet, when it comes to facing the brokenness of others or the world, I'm a far cry from wholehearted.  There's a significant deficit in authenticity I share with the Lord.  I think I especially struggle with being honest with Him about how the brokenness in the world really affects me or makes me question who He is and question His power. Especially with all the brokenness I see on a daily basis in my job. And to be frank, my lack of authenticity with God, in this area particularly, impacts my authenticity at work with my coworkers and my clients, which I believe ultimately affects my effectiveness as a therapist. I think sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in other people's pain that we don't step back to really consider the level of influence we have. Or it is incredibly difficult to empathize to the point of getting the weightiness of what they're carrying in order to encourage from a place of truth and validation. I know I am SO GUILTY of operating out of my flesh and going through the motions when it comes to helping people, which is awful. And I believe this is hugely attributed to the lack of courage I have to submit these things to God and to seek His compassion and understanding. 

So, let's journey on Brown...

#lovewins

A disclaimer: I don't have a strong opinion about this one way or the other. Nor is it my mission to change people's minds. I'm merely processing thoughts.

If I'm completely transparent, I had no idea the U.S. Supreme Court was even considering a change in stance on "same sex marriage." This isn't really surprising, however, as I don't turn on the local news or follow anything political. Maybe that makes me a bad citizen, but I'm not here to judge and I hope you'll do the same. Mostly what has me even contemplating this topic is the post after post on Facebook sharing news articles about the ruling and the rainbow overlays on people's profile pictures.

I kind of love this photo I saw posted on Brene Brown's FB page (I'm a fan of hers in general). When I think about my journey with the Lord, #lovewins could easily sum it up. God gives us complete freedom and with that comes an endless amount of joy and pain. And in the midst of bad decisions, perhaps even decisions I knew I shouldn't be making, God loved me in spite of them. He offered grace and truth and I have felt most loved by people in my life who are also pursuing Him; who balanced grace with challenge when I wasn't engaging in God's best. By no means are any of us perfect, but I guess on some level, that's kind of what makes me sad about this whole equality in marriage issue. I get the super conservative, religious view of marriage. But I don't ever think that the best way to share your faith is through condemnation of another's belief or actions.

I guess this is where the whole separation of church and state comes in to play. While I may hold a different belief about God's design for marriage, it is not my place to judge anyone holding a different conviction. And to use God or the bible as a means to make people feel unloved and unaccepted, in my mind, is incredibly hurtful and a disservice to the lord. I think it irks me the same way people with signs standing outside of bars condemning drunkenness frustrate me. If your goal is to win people over to Christ, is it really working? I'd venture to say not.  #lovewins

Arguably, the world is always a better place when we seek to understand; when we offer a balance of truth and grace.  I don't think this court ruling is changing anything that isn't already happening in the world by giving equality in marriage. On the same token, I support the right of churches to hold a firm stance on whom they will perform a ceremony. (Heck, being in the premarital process at my church currently, I know they won't just marry any man and woman either.) And I know it is also not our place to condemn those who don't share the same belief.  I am not God and I don't have all the answers. What I do know is that committing your life to someone is hard and it takes an incredible amount of self-sacrifice, forgiveness, and enduring loyalty. I applaud anyone that can love that way.