Courage, Compassion and Connection

As I indicated in my previous Gifts of Imperfection entry, Brown states that practicing courage, compassion and connection in our daily lives is the way we cultivate worthiness.  Okay, great...but what does that look like and what does it even mean to be courageous, have compassion, or what does it take to feel connected?  And as we have previously considered at my church, the meaning of words is important.  The definition we find in scripture is often quite different than the meaning the world gives.

(click here if you want to check out the series)

In beginning her research on Wholeheartedness, Brown noticed re-occurring themes of things to do or not do in order to cultivate worthiness:

Do:
worthiness. rest. play. trust. faith. intuition. hope. authenticity. love. belonging. joy. gratitude.

Don't:
perfection. numbing. certainty. exhaustion. self-sufficiency. being cool. fitting in. judgment. scarcity.

Talk about being authentic; Brown acknowledges that after discovering that she fell under the "Don't" list, she tucked away all of her research in effort to try to avoid this hard truth for over a year before wrestling through it.  In her being honest about this fact, I think it extends a lot of grace to readers who have similarly avoided facing the reality of their brokenness.  At least, I'm comforted in knowing that I am not alone in that. And then when she did finally go back to recognizing the current reality of her life, she sought a therapist and requested "tips and tools" on how to acquire more of the things on the "Do" list.  Is that not the response we all would have?  Especially in America. We want a quick and easy fix; we don't want to deal with the mess of the process. As I mentioned in the last entry, Brown refers to her process as a Breakdown Spiritual Awakening. She suggests this type of unraveling can occur at midlife or following other significant events, such as marriage, divorce, becoming a parent, recovery, moving, an empty nest, retiring, experiencing trauma or loss, or working in a soul-sucking job. I love her quote: "The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button."  Boy, do I LOVE the snooze button. I mean that literally, but that's another issue.

As I consider journal entries from when I was in high school and perhaps even into college, I recognize that there has been a significant shift in knowing and accepting myself.  I recall reflecting upon an entry from my journal a couple years ago during A Journey Home that I had written about five years prior to the journey that was essentially a plea to feel known. I believe a huge part of feeling known greatly has to do with what Brown is writing about in this book in terms of being brave enough to love and show who you really are.  I know I lived in fear of this place for a long, long time.  But through seeking community, having others model vulnerability and experiencing that it's not so scary. I recognize areas of my life where I have certainly found freedom just to be.  In fact, if I reflect upon the "Do" list, there are a lot of those that are present in my life and in my relationships.

However, I'm beginning to recognize that there is a disconnect with being wholehearted in my relationship with God.  I don't think I'm afraid to face my own brokenness or be honest about who I really am when it comes to relationships with my friends, fiancé and, to an extent, with my family.  Yet, when it comes to facing the brokenness of others or the world, I'm a far cry from wholehearted.  There's a significant deficit in authenticity I share with the Lord.  I think I especially struggle with being honest with Him about how the brokenness in the world really affects me or makes me question who He is and question His power. Especially with all the brokenness I see on a daily basis in my job. And to be frank, my lack of authenticity with God, in this area particularly, impacts my authenticity at work with my coworkers and my clients, which I believe ultimately affects my effectiveness as a therapist. I think sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in other people's pain that we don't step back to really consider the level of influence we have. Or it is incredibly difficult to empathize to the point of getting the weightiness of what they're carrying in order to encourage from a place of truth and validation. I know I am SO GUILTY of operating out of my flesh and going through the motions when it comes to helping people, which is awful. And I believe this is hugely attributed to the lack of courage I have to submit these things to God and to seek His compassion and understanding. 

So, let's journey on Brown...