Last call for societal knockdowns

A few weeks ago, my my friend Allison gave me a website for cheap prescription glasses. Most prescription glasses cost in the $200 range with the help of insurance, so coming across glasses as cheap as $8 seemed unreal. Instantly, I was super pumped and starting bookmarking all the pairs I wanted. For this cheap, it's like having a different set of glasses for every outfit: a four-eyed girl's dream come true! I ordered my first pair for a total of $14.50 including shipping&handling feeling as if it was a hoax.

Anxiously, I awaited their arrival and at last they showed up on my doorstep this weekend! Although the lens quality is not as great as my expensive Lenscrafter spectacles, I am not disappointed and will definitely buy more.

The site also gives you the option of better quality lenses for an additional charge, but I don't think it's necessary. I'm pretty stoked that you can also order prescription sunglasses, but I haven't found a frame I like yet.

Other than that my weekend was pretty tame. My family was out of town and it felt kind of nice to have the house to myself. Friday night I worked then came home and cleaned until around 2am and didn't have to worry about waking anyone up. My weekend was also full of movie watching: Boyz in the Hood, The Tracey Fragments, The Time Traveler's Wife and Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill. I almost didn't finish The Tracey Fragments because the movie consisted of several different views of each scene pieced together and kind of made me dizzy trying to watch it. I wasn't too fond of the film, but I am a fan of Ellen Page. Boyz in the Hood was depressing. It's sad that some people grow up and all they know is violence. Needless to say, after I watched that I needed something funny, hence Eddie Izzard. The Time Traveler's Wife was a good film, although I cried my eyes at its ending. I have to say it's one of the few movies I've seen after reading the book and was not completely disappointed.

Saturday I met up with a friend Nikki who is a flight attendant and in town for the night. We just went to dinner and hung out, which was nice considering things have been known to get wild and out of control. Flipping through the channels in her hotel room we came across the show 48 Hours, which our other friend Laura insisted on watching. The story was about three teenage boys in Arkansas who were convicted of murdering three 8-year-old boys.  At the time they were found guilty, there wasn't any physical evidence linking them to the crime. Years later when DNA was actually discovered, it did not implicate any of the convicted murderers. Two of the boys were what might be referred to as 'goth' or 'punk' - essentially outsiders who people automatically formed a negative opinion of. They were accused of being worshipers of satan and the murders a satanic ritual, although there was no evidence of a ritual. As new information has come out regarding the murders of the three boys, even some of the victims' parents believe that they're innocent. They've also attracted the attention of 'Hollywood' gaining support from Johnny Depp and the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks.

It was definitely interesting and jaw dropping to see the injustice take place.  It sort of felt like the story from the movie Changeling in how the law had made a mistake, but instead of trying to correct it, they just tried to cover it up. You can watch the segment from 48 Hours below and get more information from here regarding the case and support the convicted men who have now been in jail for about 17 years.

it's bound to break your heart

Parent Trap <--- Click and listen. The particular piece of the podcast I'm referring to is the second Act and the story of Lucy, the chimpanzee.

When Lucy was only two days old, she was adopted by psychologist Dr. Maurice K. Temerlin and his wife Jane. The Temerlins wondered, if given the right environment, how human could Lucy become? We hear from Lucy's language tutor, Dr. Roger Fouts, Lucy's caretaker and eventual friend, Dr. Sue Savage-Rumbaugh, and Mr. Temerlin himself... or his words anyway, read by radio host David Garland. And writer Charles Siebert helps us to make sense of Lucy's story.

At first I was rather intrigued by the story and the fact that a chimp could learn to behave like a human. I knew they were capable of learning sign language, but to actually identify as a human and reject their own species, was something completely new and mind blowing to me. As the story goes on, it turns out to be an epic heart break. I won't go into detail, as I think you should hear it for yourself.

there's more to living than being alive.

I find it interesting to look back on old blogs and see where I was around this same time last year or a few years ago.  That is the basis for this post and the following is from roughly 3 years ago to the day.

So I originally wrote this in my actual journal, but I've realized that the main reason I even keep a journal is because a lot of it is all the things I wish I could share with someone.   So that at some point someone will read it all and understand who I really am, which is why I've decided to share it on here as well.... here it goes:

I've kinda been out of the whole Crossroads scene for a while or just not feeling like I'm getting anything out of it.  Today in service I really realized this and it almost brought me to tears.  It's like I'm waiting for my life to change and assuming that maybe I'm still too young to experience growth.  This thought is so unfounded, but I guess I've been waiting for change to just happen and I know it doesn't work that way as much as I'd like it to.  I need someone to push me; someone who won't just think I have it all figured out and that I'm content with my life because I'm not.

Sitting in service today, I was scared that social work ethics don't coincide with what Crossroads is teaching me.  I'm already concerned about whether or not I'm even going to be good in this profession.  Yet, I just keep skating by in my classes, making the grades, but am I really learning?  Sometimes I'm not so sure.  I'm scared to ask questions.  I'm scared this isn't the right fit for me and that I'm just doing this because it's what I signed on to do.  I don't ever take chances.  My life is so unbelievably predictable.  I'm beginning to hate it. 

And I've kind of convinced myself that this is the way things will always be for me.  That I'm not the kind of person who takes big risks and actually tries to figure out what is going to make me happy.  What is happy, really?  Maybe I have a distorted perception of what that is supposed to look like because of all the sappy love stories I watch.  Yes, that is a silly idea and I know that movies aren't real life, but could it be playing into my inability to be truly content for more than five minutes at a time.  Can people even be sublimely happy all the time?

Another thing.  I came to the conclusion that if I never had a serious relationship or got married that I would be completely fine as long as I still had my friends.  I think the only reason I would even seek a relationship is because all my friends were getting married and I needed someone to be there for me 24/7.  I have never been able to mix a close friendship with something romantic.  And why is that when I hear a guy likes me, it seems like a month later he has a girlfriend and he has never made any mention of his feelings towards me.  Is there something wrong with me that I've never been in love?  I mean I know it's that I'm scared [that seems to be a theme].  Why, is really beyond me.  I know my mom always said that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.  But maybe I need to know that I'm capable of being loved in order to love myself.  Is that a ridiculously absurd notion?  I don't know. 

At times I just want to throw it all on the table.  Hand my journals over and say "here, this is the mess that I call Cassie.  This is every stupid insecurity and worry that runs through my head.  Now do you understand me?  Now you know me.  Could you still love me?" 

Why do I even think that I have to keep this all in.  That's what really drives me insane is feeling like I have to figure this all out on my own, but that's not the way it's supposed to be is it?  We're supposed to be in community with one another.  This isn't a one man show.  I don't have to face life alone.  I just need the courage to admit that I don't have the answers; that there is so much in this world that I'm unsure about; that I want someone to help figure me out; to do it together.  I guess this is my first step...

I'm impressed with the amount of vulnerability I showed in this post, but I think my xanga was only being read by maybe 2 people at the time.  I remember posting the link on my myspace and as soon as people started actually clicking on it, I took it off.  I think I still struggle with some of the things I talked about, but now I'm definitely in a place of content with the decisions I have made and understanding that they serve a greater purpose even if they were difficult to make or I was uncertain about it at the time.

My church recently had a community group for singles.   We basically discussed topics that are relevant to where we are in our life and the issues we face in trying to grow spiritually and how that is impacted by being single.  I cannot begin to explain all of the deep and interesting conversations we had over the past few weeks, but I'm extremely glad I participated in it and have discovered a lot of about myself and connected with people facing some of the same struggles I am.  I may dedicate a post to my "singleness" at some point, but I will simply state that it's not an issue for me.  Being single is not an illness and people need to quit treating it like one because then the person you date does not become the solution, but merely a symptom of the problem.  Another girl from the group has started an entire blog dedicated to the topic and I'm interested to see what all she will have to say.

put a penny in the slot

I got my hair cut today, which it was in dire need of. So OF COURSE I took pictures. I'm continually disappointed at the quality of pictures produced by the built-in webcam on my computer, but what can ya do?

My hair is generally pretty good at going months without cutting and still styling pretty well. Then one day it turns to shit and I cannot do anything with it. So thank the lord my friend Chelsea works at Identity and does a fabulous job with my hair. She is amazing and sadly the only time we get to catch up these days is when she's doing my hair. It's hard to think there was actually a time when I didn't like her because she really is a sweetheart. Oh and she pulls off hot pink and purple like no one can! If I ever had the balls to go crazy with my hair, hers is what I'd want it to look like.

This is us a few summers back with our other friend Sara (in the middle) who also does hair.

Currently jamming to this album. I got it for Christmas and it has yet to leave the cd player in my car. <3

Will we be alright left alone tonight

What if there's nothing more to me?
I'm just skin and bones.
There's no mystery.
What if you're just an empty shell?
All your spare parts were used up by someone else.
What if there's no way to explain things like deja vu and acid rain?
What if we're all just empty shelves, full of someone else's thoughts?

What if there's nothing more to us?
We're just carbon-based.
We're just pixie dust.
What if life is a magic trick?
Some quick slight of hand just to make us think.
What if consciousness can't expand
And we fool ourselves with absurd demands?
What if there is no point at all?
We just grow up to fade away.

What if there's nothing more to me?
I'm just skin and bones.
What if there's nothing more to you?
What if there's nothing left for us?
Will anyone remember?
Does it all just simply turn to dust?

Will we get lost slowly drifting through these dead and lonesome heights?

Check out the interview Mr. Pierre did discussing this song.  He's a righteous dude. I would have loved to have been in on this conversation.

my valentine's day consisted of this...

angry clouds of discontent

Family feud focuses on disabled pair's home

[The following comments will be made with the assumption that you have taken the time to read this article that was posted today]

I CANNOT believe the slander that the Cincinnati Enquirer has printed. Granted, I am biased because this is my family, but this entire article lacks research and is unfounded. As a Master's social work student, I'm appalled at the accusations and lack of investigation made into this situation on the part of the Hamilton County Developmental Disabilities Service Board.

"They were living (in) really foul, and very bad conditions. They were taken out of his custody and then Tom (their nephew) stepped in and was taking care of them.

I love how this statement was made by Glenda Cordell, the owner of New Hope Health Care, the agency that provides my great aunts services through the Hamilton County Developmental Disabilities Services board, as if she was somehow involved in protecting my aunts from the harmful situation my great uncle had them living in. I will not defend my great uncle Tony, who is not the target of most of this article, because he is an alcoholic and did not take care of my aunts. But it was MY FAMILY who stepped in, not Hamilton County, to get my great uncle kicked out of the house and have my Uncle Tommy move in with them. My great aunts even stayed with my family, in our home, for a period of time while their house was fixed up, as the living conditions were horrid.

Since my Uncle Tommy has moved in with them is when Hamilton County Board of Developmental Disabilities got involved, so that my great aunts would have the opportunity to attend school or work in a day hab. He set up services so they would have care throughout the day while him and his wife are at work. They were taken to Reds games (which Carol is a HUGE fan of the Reds), church and involved in family gatherings, etc., which they never were given the opportunity before.

And now they are accusing my uncle Tommy saying, "Accusers say he is trying to boot the sisters out of the house so he can sell it and pocket the money." Who are these alleged accusers? Please do step out of the woodwork and explain yourself? My great aunts were abruptly taken from their home without out any notification or justification. There was an alleged physical abuse charge, but NO investigation. My uncle was never ordered to court, NOTHING! Yet they want to say: "Thomas Currens Jr. and his wife could not be located by officials and weren't at either of the two court hearings held on the issue," as if they have even tried. My uncle is not in hiding. His mail is being forwarded to his new address, and anyone with half a brain should be able to figure that out. He was never notified of these said hearings. I cannot get over how ridiculous this is.

We had no idea where my great aunts were FOR MONTHS! They spent the holidays with strangers. Their caregiver wouldn't even let my grandmother in even though they were begging to see her. My grandmother ended up getting blasphemous disorderly conduct charges because the aid called the cops. We were told to not return to the house unless we had a lawyer because a restraining order had been filed. But explain to me what accusations are against the rest of us?? There are none. So tell me what justice is being provided to my aunts by denying them their RIGHT to see their family? Maybe Hamilton County wants that trust and the $128,340 under their control.

Another uncle of mine has hired a lawyer and this WILL BE fought. But the whole situation seems rather fishy as Hamilton County Developmental Disabilities Board are giving his lawyer the runaround. I would love to send this to Kimball Perry, the author of this retched article, but now we have to watch our every word and move so that our actions are not misconstrued as they clearly have been doing to my uncle.

This is not as eloquent as I would like, as I wrote it in the heat of the moment.  But I have posted responses under the comments section of the article that are more fact, less feeling, under the name of socialservice9.  We'll see if the Enquirer deletes them as they have already done to some posters.

happiness is love; a big love.

Charles Spearin from Do Make Say Think/Broken Social Scene is a genius, as is The Happiness Project. (make sure you click this and listen. you won't be disappointed.)

About The Happiness Project
These are my neighbours. My wife and I have two little kids and live in a multi-cultural neighbourhood in downtown Toronto. In the hot summer months all the kids in the neighbourhood play outside together and everyone is out on their porch enjoying each other’s company, telling stories and sharing thoughts. A year or so ago I began inviting some of them over to the house for a casual interview vaguely centered around the subject of happiness. In some cases we never broached the subject directly but none-the-less my friends began to call it my “Happiness Project”.

After each interview I would listen back to the recording for moments that were interesting in both meaning and melody. By meaning I mean the thoughts expressed, by melody I mean the cadence and inflection that give the voice a sing-song quality. It has always been interesting to me how we use sounds to convey concepts. Normally, we don’t pay any attention to the movement of our lips and tounge, and the rising and falling of our voices as we toss our thoughts back and forth to each other. We just talk and listen. The only time we pay attention to these qualities is in song. (Just as when we read we don’t pay attention to the curl and swing of the letters as though they were little drawings.)

Meaning seems to be our hunger but we should still try to taste our food. I wanted to see if I could blur the line between speaking and singing - life and art? - and write music based on these accidental melodies. So I had some musician friends play, as close as they could, these neighbourhood melodies on different instruments (Mrs. Morris on the tenor saxophone, Marisa on the harp, my daughter Ondine on the violin, etc.) and then I arranged them as though they were songs.

All of the melodies on this album are the melodies of every day life.

super bowl weekend

My church is awesome for many reasons, this is simply one of them:

For the past 8 years Crossroads has utilized the Super Bowl as a way of showing that God has a sense of humor; that it's ok to laugh in church. We generally laugh at least once during service every weekend, but for the super bowl, we dedicate the entire weekend to having fun. Two of our pastors go head-to-head representing one of the teams going to the super bowl that year. They make grand entrances (on Harleys), have a team cheerleading them on the sidelines, have a halftime performance and of course commercials (made by Crossroads' staff and volunteers). There are people tailgating outside, free popcorn and hot dogs and believe it or not, even beer.  Super bowl Sunday has typically been the least attended day of the year in many churches, but now it's one of the busiest weekends of the year at Crossroads, as many Crossroads members invite friends to join in all the hoopla. Touchdowns are scored after they have 'preach' and make a good point, so it is still teaching from the bible. It's just a lot more entertaining and inviting setting than churches typically are.

Here's the video gearing up for last year's super bowl and an example of a commercial from a previous year as well. 


As far as tonight's actual super bowl game: Let's GO SAINTS!!!! All the way. First super bowl appearance? underdog? They've got to win, are you kidding?! Plus, NOLA has a special place in my heart. Who dat!

A few months ago my good friend Lisa and I had some fun on a sunny day in Hyde Park with a camera. She has so much artistic talent, it blows me away, as I am not artsy AT ALL! Anyways, I just wanted to share some of the photos from the day on here and suggest you check out her work. She does weddings, portraits, boudoir,...pretty much anything. It's all freelance and she's not making a living off it now, but I think she could. ;)

This is us just last month celebrating her birthday.

My slide show is super nifty thanks to photobucket. You have to scroll over each individual picture in order to see it full size, although I'm sure that is self-explanatory.