"Every analyst ought periodically to enter analysis once more, at intervals of, say, 5 years, without any feeling of shame in doing so."
So glad to have come across this blog: http://www.therapyfortherapists.com/
Sunday, July 10, 2011
thank you, Freud.
The difficult experience of being a therapist is enough to necessitate your own therapy. Even Sigmund Freud said, “No one who, like me, conjures up the most evil of those half-tamed demons that inhabit the human breast, and seeks to wrestle with them, can expect to come through the struggle unscathed.”
"Every analyst ought periodically to enter analysis once more, at intervals of, say, 5 years, without any feeling of shame in doing so."
"Every analyst ought periodically to enter analysis once more, at intervals of, say, 5 years, without any feeling of shame in doing so."
Saturday, June 18, 2011
this whole ship is sinking and i still believe in anchors
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
Sunday, June 12, 2011
"I am going to choose the wisdom of the Word over the wisdom of the world."
The Word is not wisdom without action. In order to understand the Word, we have to DO SOMETHING with it (what is faith without action?). I am so guilty of this - becoming frustrated in my relationship with God, feeling as if it's not going anywhere and then I'm reminded about my lack of action. How selfish and ignorant of me to think that knowing God will not take work; that having "faith" is just believing that things are going to be okay because I believe in God. Umm...no. I wish it were that easy. I love how she says that anything that is truly good for us our flesh will oppose. She goes on to give the example of placing a bowl of ice cream and a bowl of spinach in front of you and asking which one we will want to eat. I mean who is really going to choose spinach over ice cream? Yet, we know that spinach would be the healthier option, but because we are conditioned with this need for instant gratification and to please our senses, we will choose the ice cream. It tastes better, it's sweeter; it's more satisfying in the moment.
A relationship with God requires discipline. I have to learn to delay gratification; to understand that God works on a different time frame than I do and that what ever he has in store for me is way better than anything I could possibly plan for myself. Every time I decide that I'm too tired or just don't feel like praying, reading the bible or being in community, I'm delaying the work that God wants to do in me. I'm delaying receiving the fruits of the spirit that God so desperately wants me to have. The everyday choice of spending time with God has a consequence, which may not be evident in that moment. It may be during those times that God is answering prayers or teaching me things that will have a profound impact.
I dunno... just thoughts I was having after watching this video. I'm off to read Ephesians.
Monday, June 6, 2011
living in congruence
Ray Stedman’s Authentic Christianity from a section entitled “The Battle Already Won”:
“Since we can live only in one area of relationships of our life at any given moment, it is evident that we can be in a Spirit-controlled area one moment and in a flesh-dominated area the next. This is why we can be a great person to live with one minute (delightful, because we are in the Spirit) and then a moment later some old habit of the flesh reasserts itself and we are right back in our old covenant behavior—harsh, nasty, or cruel. When we become aware of those feelings within, we know we will lose our Christian reputation if we are allowed to show, so we snatch an evangelical veil and hide the fading glory.
But how encouraging to know that the Spirit will never give up the battle! He seeks in a thousand ways to invade each separate relationship of the soul, and gradually He is doing so—sometimes faster, as we yield to him; sometimes very slowly, as we resist and cling to our veils. The more we work and live with the face of Jesus clearly in view, the more quickly we find each area of our life being changed into His likeness” (102-103).
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
recalibrate
In the Old Testament, the word 'repent' was a military term meaning stop, turn about-face and march. In the New Testament, it's described as changing what you believe--a willful decision. So when I think of repentance, I see it as a recalibration of my heart to God's. It's like finding true north again. Or tuning my guitar. The closer I get to God, the better everything else sounds.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
my niece's birthday in pictures
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| greeting cousin Landon |
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| Grandpa's new toy for the grandkids |
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| She's actually wearing a dress! |
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| blowing out her bday candle :) |
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| totally lady-like eating her cake |
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| Landon showed her how to dig right in! |
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| PRESENTS!!! |
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| loves her new baby dolls |
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| bored with clothes ;) |
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| ooohhh cell phone! |
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| dad got a gift, too! ;) |
Sadly, I have ZERO pictures of me and the birthday girl!! =(
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
Girl, you know, you got my sympathy
You destroy yourself so easily
Words that start like mandolin refrains
Ending up like bagpipe hurricanes
But it's alright, it's gonna hurt sometimes
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
You got to see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself like somebody that loves you
You can bang your head against the wall, yeah
You can build a wall around your head
No one ever needs to know you're scared
The darkness sometimes lets the light shine in
But it's alright, it's gonna hurt sometimes
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
You got to see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself like somebody that loves you
And even if your heart gets broken and it will
Imagine if you never spoke and how that would feel
And every time you're tempted to retreat
Remember, you are loved by no one more than me
And you can use my eyes if you need them to see
Girl, you know, you're so hard on yourself
Remember, you can lean on someone else
But it's alright, it's gonna hurt sometimes
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
You got to see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
But no one else can get through
Until you see yourself like somebody that loves you
You destroy yourself so easily
Words that start like mandolin refrains
Ending up like bagpipe hurricanes
But it's alright, it's gonna hurt sometimes
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
You got to see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself like somebody that loves you
You can bang your head against the wall, yeah
You can build a wall around your head
No one ever needs to know you're scared
The darkness sometimes lets the light shine in
But it's alright, it's gonna hurt sometimes
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
You got to see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself like somebody that loves you
And even if your heart gets broken and it will
Imagine if you never spoke and how that would feel
And every time you're tempted to retreat
Remember, you are loved by no one more than me
And you can use my eyes if you need them to see
Girl, you know, you're so hard on yourself
Remember, you can lean on someone else
But it's alright, it's gonna hurt sometimes
Everybody bleeds, even when the sun shines
You got to see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
But no one else can get through
Until you see yourself like somebody that loves you
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A staggering act
I'm behind on The Daily, but I find it no coincidence that the message from the one I'm currently reading through matches up with the feeling from my last post: gratitude/gratefulness.
Read for yourself:
Read for yourself:
Tuesday, March 15A Staggering Act
God, allow me to see the depth of your character as I spend time with you today.
READ
REFLECTIf you sit quietly with this scripture for a while (even if you're really familiar with the events of what happened), you'll most likely find something astonishing, or feel something new stir up in you.
A gang of brutal soldiers. The Place of the Skull. Grotesque insults and torture. And then after Jesus' final breath: a revered curtain splits apart, bodies of holy people come back to life, the earth shakes and storms.
This incredible day reveals the passion of our God-the unsurpassed love he has for us. Nowhere else in all of human history or religion is there any concept of a god who would suffer, die and live like this for his creation.
This is the God we follow.
RESPONDIn the face of such a staggering act, one of the most fitting responses is gratitude. Spend a few minutes today thanking Jesus in whatever way you like.
The last couple weeks have just been a whirlwind, but I'm happy to say that in this moment I'm just feeling grateful. I started a new job on Monday; my first every 40 hours a week, big girl type of deal! ;) It's overwhelming at times; boring at others (orientation, policy, etc.), as I'm sure it will continue to be - overwhelming that is, not boring. I get the frustration and the pleasure of trying to understand insurance - PPOs, HSAs and whatnot, as I pick out my healthcare plan. I have my OWN office that I get to decorate and make cozy for my clients. I have a secretary that is assigned to me to help out with my paperwork, contacting clients and lots of other little stuff. I met with her today and the whole time she was telling me what she does I was thinking "I have to make sure to be getting gifts for her at holidays to thank her for all she does!" Lots of firsts, which is exciting and scary all at the same time.
In addition to that, Zach is doing awesome! He was transferred to Drake last Friday for rehab and after less than a week there, he's being released to return home tomorrow. AND the mother of Zach's baby girl is in labor, so he will officially be a dad any day now; possibly even the same day he gets to go home. What a freaking amazing gift from God!
Little miss AB turns 18 on Saturday. So myself and another provider are having a sleepover and then going to lunch at AB's favorite place (HOOTERS) on Saturday with her family and friends. We may take her out to do some other "of age" activities, at her parents' approval of course. This month, last week actually, marked my 4 year anniversary of providing care for her. She was just turning 14 when I started...crazy how time flies! Speaking of which, my niece turns ONE on the 30th. We're having a party for her on April 3rd, so be expecting a post with lots of pictures.
Well, I'm done rambling for one night. Gonna spend some time with the big guy and hit the hay. Hope everyone's weeks are blessed!
In addition to that, Zach is doing awesome! He was transferred to Drake last Friday for rehab and after less than a week there, he's being released to return home tomorrow. AND the mother of Zach's baby girl is in labor, so he will officially be a dad any day now; possibly even the same day he gets to go home. What a freaking amazing gift from God!
Little miss AB turns 18 on Saturday. So myself and another provider are having a sleepover and then going to lunch at AB's favorite place (HOOTERS) on Saturday with her family and friends. We may take her out to do some other "of age" activities, at her parents' approval of course. This month, last week actually, marked my 4 year anniversary of providing care for her. She was just turning 14 when I started...crazy how time flies! Speaking of which, my niece turns ONE on the 30th. We're having a party for her on April 3rd, so be expecting a post with lots of pictures.
Well, I'm done rambling for one night. Gonna spend some time with the big guy and hit the hay. Hope everyone's weeks are blessed!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
purpose for the pain..
I was having a conversation with my mom last night about all the crap that is going on lately. After we got some good news about Zach, in his waking up, we just got hit with the next thing. His baby cousin spiked a fever, had a seizure, and was rushed to the hospital and not expected to make it through the night. Then the next day my brother gets in a wreck and flips his car. Luckily for my brother, who was not wearing a seatbelt, came out with only a concussion. Amazing how he totals his car (21k worth of damage), yet he doesn't have a scratch on him.
And while we are dealing with all of this, Japan gets hit with a giant earthquake and tsunami. I think the death toll stands at 4,314, with at least 8,606 missing. I'm generally not someone who watches the news, so I've only seen very little pictures and footage, and even that little bit was hard to take. I just can't imagine having not just your home, but your city completely destroyed; to be aimlessly wandering the streets in search of loved ones. The reality of what is happening in Japan made me realize how small my pain was in comparison. Every day there are millions of people crying out to God in their suffering. It made me feel the weight of how small I really am in the greater scheme of things, and how big God is to be able to be there for an entire world of people.
In the midst of my eyes opening to all of this, my head was just in a dark place. I couldn't grasp what it looked or felt like to rejoice in my sufferings as God calls us to do. I was only seeing the hell on Earth and struggled to see what the meaning is behind it all. Yes, I know God suffers with us in our pain and He doesn't like to see us hurting even if it's producing perseverance. But every bit of it sucks when you're going through it. It exhausted every part of me and it caused me to face doubts I have regarding God actually answering my prayers. I guess I didn't feel like my specific request, even for something as serious as a life and death situation, would mean anything to God. Basically, I didn't trust Him or was scared He wouldn't answer my prayers in the way we all desperately wanted Him to. Even after Zach woke up, I struggled feeling joy or hope in the situation. And maybe that's because more crap kept happening and we were faced with more uncertainty... I don't know.
Then this morning, or afternoon rather, I woke up to a quote from C.S. Lewis:
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this, and am honestly a little distracted by American Idol. Dude, Scotty! There's no way that's his voice! Haha anyways... I said I was going to use this blog as a way of keeping track of and measuring my spiritual growth . I know I have a lot more to learn and understand regarding everything I talked about above, but just wanted to share, in part, where I'm at with all of it and some of the struggles I'm having.
And while we are dealing with all of this, Japan gets hit with a giant earthquake and tsunami. I think the death toll stands at 4,314, with at least 8,606 missing. I'm generally not someone who watches the news, so I've only seen very little pictures and footage, and even that little bit was hard to take. I just can't imagine having not just your home, but your city completely destroyed; to be aimlessly wandering the streets in search of loved ones. The reality of what is happening in Japan made me realize how small my pain was in comparison. Every day there are millions of people crying out to God in their suffering. It made me feel the weight of how small I really am in the greater scheme of things, and how big God is to be able to be there for an entire world of people.
In the midst of my eyes opening to all of this, my head was just in a dark place. I couldn't grasp what it looked or felt like to rejoice in my sufferings as God calls us to do. I was only seeing the hell on Earth and struggled to see what the meaning is behind it all. Yes, I know God suffers with us in our pain and He doesn't like to see us hurting even if it's producing perseverance. But every bit of it sucks when you're going through it. It exhausted every part of me and it caused me to face doubts I have regarding God actually answering my prayers. I guess I didn't feel like my specific request, even for something as serious as a life and death situation, would mean anything to God. Basically, I didn't trust Him or was scared He wouldn't answer my prayers in the way we all desperately wanted Him to. Even after Zach woke up, I struggled feeling joy or hope in the situation. And maybe that's because more crap kept happening and we were faced with more uncertainty... I don't know.
Then this morning, or afternoon rather, I woke up to a quote from C.S. Lewis:
"If God thinks this state of war in the universe is a price worth paying for free will, then it is worth paying."On Monday I was discussing The Fall and everything that changed once sin entered the world. All of the heartache we feel is a result of sin, which is all the result of God giving us the free will to choose to love Him. It's hard for me to see this at times or to believe that it's a price worth paying, I have to trust that God knows better than I do. I struggle feeling like our love is worthy of the sacrifice Jesus made or can't wrap my head around the fact that God created the world and it was good, and He's essentially had to watch us tear it apart. What pain and agony we must cause Him on a daily basis.
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this, and am honestly a little distracted by American Idol. Dude, Scotty! There's no way that's his voice! Haha anyways... I said I was going to use this blog as a way of keeping track of and measuring my spiritual growth . I know I have a lot more to learn and understand regarding everything I talked about above, but just wanted to share, in part, where I'm at with all of it and some of the struggles I'm having.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Father God here we are servants of Yours in need of Your healing hands once again, the miracle of Zach's recovery is now been overshadowed by Your precious child Eli. please oh please oh please as this family is dealing with so much come now and heal this little boy and rid him this that ails him. Father God we have seen the miracle in Zach and ask boldly again for the miracle of healing in Eli. Lord we need no proof of who You are. It is with our belief that we ask these prayers as we know full well what You can do, and Father God we ask and beg for Your healing touch; for Your mercy and Your grace, Father God, and it is in Your glorious name we give all praise. Amen.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
life is a gift, treasure it.
Around 2:30 a.m. this morning my friend Zach woke up and asked for Gatorade. He's been unconscious for 6 days after an overdose on heroin and his prognosis was not good. He was hardly breathing when he was brought to the hospital and his face was blue; apparently you could see every vein in face. After a roller coaster of emotions we finally just trusted that God was going to heal Zach one way or another. I think the whole city of Cincinnati was praying for him, or at least all of Anderson. Today God proved, yet again, that He hears our prayers and He answers them. I just pray that Zach's heart has been touched through all this and he realizes the miracle of life he has been given.
Please please please talk to your loved ones about drugs. It's not a joke. This was the second time Zach used and he almost lost his life for it. He should be brain dead from hours without oxygen. You are not immune. None of us are immune. You play with fire and you will get burned; one way or another, you will get burned.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
praying God's word
Lord, in my heart I plan my course, but You determine my steps (Proverbs 16: 9). Life is not going as I planned. I am grateful that You are not caught off guard. You knew everything that would befall me. Please direct my steps as You determine. I need You, Lord. Carry me when I cannot walk.
I want to trust in You, Lord, with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I will acknowledge You, and You will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3: 5-6).
My God is in heaven; He does whatever please Him (Psalms 115: 3). Lord, sometimes my only answer will be that You are sovereign. Your Word says that the death of Your saints is absolutely precious to You (Psalms 116: 15). One day I will have all the answers. Until then, I must trust that You have power and dominion over all things and that You know best. Help me to believe this even when I don't feel this.
I cry to You, Lord, in my trouble. Save me from my distress (Psalms 107: 13).
I desire to dwell in the shelter of You, the Most High. I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of You, Lord, "You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." (Psalms 91: 1-2).
So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:10-12)
I want to trust in You, Lord, with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I will acknowledge You, and You will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3: 5-6).
My God is in heaven; He does whatever please Him (Psalms 115: 3). Lord, sometimes my only answer will be that You are sovereign. Your Word says that the death of Your saints is absolutely precious to You (Psalms 116: 15). One day I will have all the answers. Until then, I must trust that You have power and dominion over all things and that You know best. Help me to believe this even when I don't feel this.
I cry to You, Lord, in my trouble. Save me from my distress (Psalms 107: 13).
I desire to dwell in the shelter of You, the Most High. I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of You, Lord, "You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." (Psalms 91: 1-2).
So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:10-12)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Father God Your daughter her friends Your children are in need of you this very instant. They are desperate for your healing hand to intervene and and come crashing into this young man's heart, mind, body and soul send your healing spirit here not only to your son but to the unborn child's mother that she may know your loving touch that she not drive any more pain into your son and for his family and our friends bring your spirit of comfort, that into your hands this will be done according to your character and mercy. father god we plead with you now that all afflicted by by this horrible disease of a drug be brought to wholeness and the spirit of love come crashing down among all those whom you call children father God we beg for your mercy and your strength and your healing please oh please father god now we need you come come and heal us now.
Monday, February 7, 2011
chimes of freedom
Fight we will for Freedom.
Fight we will for Peace.
Fight until the very beating of our hearts cease.
And against this violent enemy, we say collectedly "We will see your walls of darkness come crashing."
We will see your walls of darkness come crashing.
We will see your walls of darkness come crashing.
We will see your walls of darkness come crashing.
Fight we will for Peace.
Fight until the very beating of our hearts cease.
And against this violent enemy, we say collectedly "We will see your walls of darkness come crashing."
We will see your walls of darkness come crashing.
We will see your walls of darkness come crashing.
We will see your walls of darkness come crashing.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
babydoll ♥
Lately, I've been pretty busy with stuff at church and trying to find a job, and I haven't really made much time to spend with my niece. So this afternoon, I hung out with her and my mom for a bit and took at trip to Lowes. I was trying to snap pictures of her the whole time, but she did not start out very enthusiastic....as you can see this progresses and I was finally able to make her laugh.
I cannot believe how big she has gotten! She'll be turning one at the end of March and has already begun taking her first steps. She's gonna be walking all over the place soon. It's crazy how time flies!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
party on, Garth.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf." - Hebrews 6:19-20
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Integrity: How to pay for a free cell phone
I'm currently reading To Own A Dragon by Donald Miller, and although I have been highlighting and dog-earring pages all along, I had to stop and share this one passage from the book. In case you are unfamiliar with DM or this book, it's a series of understandings Don comes to learn regarding growing up without a father; what it means to be a man; how your father shapes your view of God, etc.. This piece I'm about to summarize is by no means revolutionary or even that great of a story, but it's the simplicity of it that is so striking.
Don was showing his new phone off to his friend John and explaining how he had come about getting it for free. The store he went to had a new computer system and it didn't have their records to verify if his phone was still under warranty. He told a seemingly little white lie, saying that the phone was only around a year old, and they replaced it for a newer model free of charge.
Don and John continue discussing other things and then John asks if Don has ever seen The Family Man with Nicolas Cage. John proceeds to describe this scene in the movie where Cage is in line at a convenience store and the girl in front of him is purchasing something for 99 cents. She hands the clerk a dollar and the clerk counts out and hands to her 9 dollars in change. The girl doesn't correct him and as she's walking out the door, the clerk stops her and asks if there is anything else - giving her another chance to be honest, but she shakes her head no and walks out. Then the clerk looks at Cage and says "Did you see that? She was willing to sell her character for nine dollars. Nine dollars!!!"
Nothing else is exchanged on the subject for a few minutes and they go about discussing other topics. Then Don finally asks if John thinks that he has done the same thing as the girl in the film. In truthful, non-judgmental way, John agrees stating that "the bible talks about having a calloused heart. That's when sin, after a period of time, has so deceived us we no longer care whether our thoughts and actions are right or wrong. And we have to guard against that." Again, the subject is changed and nothing more is exchanged between the two of them. Don reflects on this a bit further and as he flips through the channels on tv. He stops to watch a post-Watergate interview and is annoyed at how innocent Nixon looks. Don wonders why he couldn't just admit he had done something wrong, but realizes cheating to get ahead in politics is hardly considered a crime today. The next day Don went back to the Sprint store, and although it cost him more than nine dollars, he got his character back.
So, you may have just read this and are thinking "big deal." In fact, you may be thinking Don is an idiot for passing up a free phone. Accepting the phone free of charge probably did not hurt Sprint in any way, nor is he condemning himself to hell for telling a white lie. But in this moment, and with the help of a friend who cares about Don's spiritual maturity, he chose not to be like the rest of the world. He chose not to fall into a pattern of behavior that did not honor God's character. He chose to recognize that even the littlest of decisions can separate us from being the person we are striving for, and he refused to compromise himself. I don't know. I know it's something that seems so little, but it seemed huge when I read it. I've probably done a horrible job of conveying the magnitude of the story, and I think my interpretation was highly influenced by the position of my heart.
Don was showing his new phone off to his friend John and explaining how he had come about getting it for free. The store he went to had a new computer system and it didn't have their records to verify if his phone was still under warranty. He told a seemingly little white lie, saying that the phone was only around a year old, and they replaced it for a newer model free of charge.
Don and John continue discussing other things and then John asks if Don has ever seen The Family Man with Nicolas Cage. John proceeds to describe this scene in the movie where Cage is in line at a convenience store and the girl in front of him is purchasing something for 99 cents. She hands the clerk a dollar and the clerk counts out and hands to her 9 dollars in change. The girl doesn't correct him and as she's walking out the door, the clerk stops her and asks if there is anything else - giving her another chance to be honest, but she shakes her head no and walks out. Then the clerk looks at Cage and says "Did you see that? She was willing to sell her character for nine dollars. Nine dollars!!!"
Nothing else is exchanged on the subject for a few minutes and they go about discussing other topics. Then Don finally asks if John thinks that he has done the same thing as the girl in the film. In truthful, non-judgmental way, John agrees stating that "the bible talks about having a calloused heart. That's when sin, after a period of time, has so deceived us we no longer care whether our thoughts and actions are right or wrong. And we have to guard against that." Again, the subject is changed and nothing more is exchanged between the two of them. Don reflects on this a bit further and as he flips through the channels on tv. He stops to watch a post-Watergate interview and is annoyed at how innocent Nixon looks. Don wonders why he couldn't just admit he had done something wrong, but realizes cheating to get ahead in politics is hardly considered a crime today. The next day Don went back to the Sprint store, and although it cost him more than nine dollars, he got his character back.
So, you may have just read this and are thinking "big deal." In fact, you may be thinking Don is an idiot for passing up a free phone. Accepting the phone free of charge probably did not hurt Sprint in any way, nor is he condemning himself to hell for telling a white lie. But in this moment, and with the help of a friend who cares about Don's spiritual maturity, he chose not to be like the rest of the world. He chose not to fall into a pattern of behavior that did not honor God's character. He chose to recognize that even the littlest of decisions can separate us from being the person we are striving for, and he refused to compromise himself. I don't know. I know it's something that seems so little, but it seemed huge when I read it. I've probably done a horrible job of conveying the magnitude of the story, and I think my interpretation was highly influenced by the position of my heart.
Friday, January 21, 2011
spit your best game at me
So, my friend Allie, miss blog stalking extraordinare, has been following a girl named Kelly for almost two years. Apparently Kelly is quite a popular blogger, with over 9,000 followers (good grief girl!) and has started a sort of blogger match-making service. Once a year, or however often, Kelly asks all of her followers to blog about one ,or several of their single friends, and register them through her site. You can take a look at this year's post here. Supposedly, three couples were matched up after she did it last year and two of them are now engaged. I don't really know the details of how it all worked out, but you get the gist.
As I was having coffee with Allie, today, she starts telling me about this and how she wants to blog about me. I don't really remember my initial reaction, but I'm sure it included laughter. In fact that may have been my only response. I think the whole thing is sort of silly and have never ventured into online dating, nor do I think I ever will, but it was pretty flattering to read all the nice things Allie had to say about me! I certainly think I sound like a catch! ;-)
I have no doubts Allie will be surfing through all the eligible bachelors (although from a quick glance, the list seems to be predominantly females) and sending me the links to the associated blogs. It's a fun idea, and I'm sure it's possible to meet someone in a non-traditional way.
Now, my girl Mya is gonna take it away with my single lady anthem. I'm only kidding; except the "I can't stand a man who thinks he looks better than me" part. I mean come on. [jokes]
As I was having coffee with Allie, today, she starts telling me about this and how she wants to blog about me. I don't really remember my initial reaction, but I'm sure it included laughter. In fact that may have been my only response. I think the whole thing is sort of silly and have never ventured into online dating, nor do I think I ever will, but it was pretty flattering to read all the nice things Allie had to say about me! I certainly think I sound like a catch! ;-)
I have no doubts Allie will be surfing through all the eligible bachelors (although from a quick glance, the list seems to be predominantly females) and sending me the links to the associated blogs. It's a fun idea, and I'm sure it's possible to meet someone in a non-traditional way.
Now, my girl Mya is gonna take it away with my single lady anthem. I'm only kidding; except the "I can't stand a man who thinks he looks better than me" part. I mean come on. [jokes]
Thursday, January 13, 2011
i always cry at endings..
now playing: Belle and Sebastian
I was given a small assignment in my women's discipleship group to start trying to memorize bible verses. These are the three we were asked to choose from, and I'm merely posting them here for my reference.
- Am I now trying to win the approval of people or of God? If I were trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10
- The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you may live in fear again. Rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him, we cry, "Abba Father" (meaning Daddy) - Romans 8:14-15
- For the Spirit of God does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. - 1 Tim 1:7
Sunday, January 2, 2011
the perfect space..
In accordance with the new year and beginning to work on resolutions (or goals/habits as I may refer to them from now on), I've decided to sort of revamp my blog. I can't promise this will mean I will post more, although that is one of my goals if you read my previous post. In service today the topic of spiritual growth was being discussed and it was suggested that it should be measurable. In other words, we should be able to pinpoint a number of different things that are indicative of growth. As a means of keeping track of that for myself, I want to start using this blog, in conjunction with my personal journal, to document those changes. Of course, I will still likely post on life's occurrences and include plenty of pictures. I think it'll be helpful to reflect on things I'm learning; either in service, small groups, or through reading the bible. I don't expect that everyone who reads my blog or stumbles upon it will care to read what I have to say about God, but maybe my discoveries or struggles will help someone else in their journey. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. ;)
Today has been sort of therapeutic. It was the first service of the new year and Crossroads' first service since December 12th. I attended by myself, which is not new, and I kind of enjoy going alone. I have admittingly missed our senior pastor's humor and inappropriateness. Speaking of; I must share this week's joke. "Facebook is a lot like prison. You waste a lot of time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know." hahaha. Totally not what you'd expect to come out of a pastor's mouth, but he's funny right?
Ok, so there is A LOT more that I took away from that service than that joke. I've gotten into the habit of taking notes during service and it really helps me to remember key points that stuck out for me, or be able to reflect on them later. Too often I just sit there thinking how the message applies to someone else I know, and I'm determined to break free from that because it's NOT helping me grow at all.
I have also missed worship. Some of the songs really resonate with me and often bring me to tears. This weekend was no exception. In fact, I'm including the lyrics to Before the Throne of God because it is an absolutely beautiful song and describes the love of God in a way that just grabs hold of my heart.
After service I was feeling prompted to have someone pray for me. Crossroads has volunteers who will come to you in your seats and pray for you directly after service. Stupidly, I felt embarrassed or something to remain sitting in my seat and wait for the volunteer to come to me, and proceeded to follow the crowd toward the exit. Then I spotted one of the prayer volunteers and headed to seek her out instead. Some people do truly have the gift of prayer. I gave her a very rambled version of what I wanted her to pray for and she turned it in to this eloquent speech to God. It was perfect. As nerve-wracking as it can be to have someone pray over you, it feels amazing! I want to echo that prayer a thousand times over this coming year.
Upon leaving church, I headed off to pamper myself some more. I treated myself to lunch at Potbelly's and sat and read while waiting until it was time for my hair appointment. I don't know why anyone is afraid to eat alone. It's always interesting to people-watch or hang out and read a book. I only got o hang for about twenty minutes and then walked over to Identity to get my hair cut. My friend Chelsea has done my hair for years now, and I have never had a complaint. Granted there have been times it's taken me a little while to get used to my hair, but that's because I did something new; not because she did a bad job. So if you're in the market for a new stylist, I would highly recommend.
Alright, this has turned out way longer than I expected, and I've hardly said anything significant, so I'll shut up now. Hope everyone's year is off to a great start!
now playing: the avett brothers
Today has been sort of therapeutic. It was the first service of the new year and Crossroads' first service since December 12th. I attended by myself, which is not new, and I kind of enjoy going alone. I have admittingly missed our senior pastor's humor and inappropriateness. Speaking of; I must share this week's joke. "Facebook is a lot like prison. You waste a lot of time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know." hahaha. Totally not what you'd expect to come out of a pastor's mouth, but he's funny right?
Ok, so there is A LOT more that I took away from that service than that joke. I've gotten into the habit of taking notes during service and it really helps me to remember key points that stuck out for me, or be able to reflect on them later. Too often I just sit there thinking how the message applies to someone else I know, and I'm determined to break free from that because it's NOT helping me grow at all.
I have also missed worship. Some of the songs really resonate with me and often bring me to tears. This weekend was no exception. In fact, I'm including the lyrics to Before the Throne of God because it is an absolutely beautiful song and describes the love of God in a way that just grabs hold of my heart.
Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me
Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!
One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God
Upon leaving church, I headed off to pamper myself some more. I treated myself to lunch at Potbelly's and sat and read while waiting until it was time for my hair appointment. I don't know why anyone is afraid to eat alone. It's always interesting to people-watch or hang out and read a book. I only got o hang for about twenty minutes and then walked over to Identity to get my hair cut. My friend Chelsea has done my hair for years now, and I have never had a complaint. Granted there have been times it's taken me a little while to get used to my hair, but that's because I did something new; not because she did a bad job. So if you're in the market for a new stylist, I would highly recommend.
Alright, this has turned out way longer than I expected, and I've hardly said anything significant, so I'll shut up now. Hope everyone's year is off to a great start!
now playing: the avett brothers
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