A staggering act

I'm behind on The Daily, but I find it no coincidence that the message from the one I'm currently reading through matches up with the feeling from my last post: gratitude/gratefulness.

Read for yourself:

Tuesday, March 15

A Staggering Act

God, allow me to see the depth of your character as I spend time with you today.

READ

Matthew 27:27-56 

REFLECT

If you sit quietly with this scripture for a while (even if you're really familiar with the events of what happened), you'll most likely find something astonishing, or feel something new stir up in you.

A gang of brutal soldiers. The Place of the Skull. Grotesque insults and torture. And then after Jesus' final breath: a revered curtain splits apart, bodies of holy people come back to life, the earth shakes and storms.  

This incredible day reveals the passion of our God-the unsurpassed love he has for us. Nowhere else in all of human history or religion is there any concept of a god who would suffer, die and live like this for his creation.  

This is the God we follow.

RESPOND

In the face of such a staggering act, one of the most fitting responses is gratitude. Spend a few minutes today thanking Jesus in whatever way you like.

The last couple weeks have just been a whirlwind, but I'm happy to say that in this moment I'm just feeling grateful.  I started a new job on Monday; my first every 40 hours a week, big girl type of deal! ;)  It's overwhelming at times; boring at others (orientation, policy, etc.), as I'm sure it will continue to be - overwhelming that is, not boring.  I get the frustration and the pleasure of trying to understand insurance - PPOs, HSAs and whatnot, as I pick out my healthcare plan.  I have my OWN office that I get to decorate and make cozy for my clients.  I have a secretary that is assigned to me to help out with my paperwork, contacting clients and lots of other little stuff.  I met with her today and the whole time she was telling me what she does I was thinking "I have to make sure to be getting gifts for her at holidays to thank her for all she does!" Lots of firsts, which is exciting and scary all at the same time.

In addition to that, Zach is doing awesome! He was transferred to Drake last Friday for rehab and after less than a week there, he's being released to return home tomorrow. AND the mother of Zach's baby girl is in labor, so he will officially be a dad any day now; possibly even the same day he gets to go home. What a freaking amazing gift from God!

Little miss AB turns 18 on Saturday.  So myself and another provider are having a sleepover and then going to lunch at AB's favorite place (HOOTERS) on Saturday with her family and friends.  We may take her out to do some other "of age" activities, at her parents' approval of course.  This month, last week actually, marked my 4 year anniversary of providing care for her.  She was just turning 14 when I started...crazy how time flies!  Speaking of which, my niece turns ONE on the 30th.  We're having a party for her on April 3rd, so be expecting a post with lots of pictures.

Well, I'm done rambling for one night. Gonna spend some time with the big guy and hit the hay. Hope everyone's weeks are blessed!

purpose for the pain..

I was having a conversation with my mom last night about all the crap that is going on lately.  After we got some good news about Zach, in his waking up, we just got hit with the next thing.  His baby cousin spiked a fever, had a seizure, and was rushed to the hospital and not expected to make it through the night.  Then the next day my brother gets in a wreck and flips his car.  Luckily for my brother, who was not wearing a seatbelt, came out with only a concussion.  Amazing how he totals his car (21k worth of damage), yet he doesn't have a scratch on him.

And while we are dealing with all of this, Japan gets hit with a giant earthquake and tsunami.  I think the death toll stands at 4,314, with at least 8,606 missing.  I'm generally not someone who watches the news, so I've only seen very little pictures and footage, and even that little bit was hard to take. I just can't imagine having not just your home, but your city completely destroyed; to be aimlessly wandering the streets in search of loved ones.  The reality of what is happening in Japan made me realize how small my pain was in comparison.  Every day there are millions of people crying out to God in their suffering.  It made me feel the weight of how small I really am in the greater scheme of things, and how big God is to be able to be there for an entire world of people.

In the midst of my eyes opening to all of this, my head was just in a dark place.  I couldn't grasp what it looked or felt like to rejoice in my sufferings as God calls us to do.  I was only seeing the hell on Earth and struggled to see what the meaning is behind it all.  Yes, I know God suffers with us in our pain and He doesn't like to see us hurting even if it's producing perseverance.  But every bit of it sucks when you're going through it.  It exhausted every part of me and it caused me to face doubts I have regarding God actually answering my prayers.  I guess I didn't feel like my specific request, even for something as serious as a life and death situation, would mean anything to God.  Basically, I didn't trust Him or was scared He wouldn't answer my prayers in the way we all desperately wanted Him to.  Even after Zach woke up, I struggled feeling joy or hope in the situation.  And maybe that's because more crap kept happening and we were faced with more uncertainty... I don't know.

Then this morning, or afternoon rather, I woke up to a quote from C.S. Lewis:

"If God thinks this state of war in the universe is a price worth paying for free will, then it is worth paying."

On Monday I was discussing The Fall and everything that changed once sin entered the world.  All of the heartache we feel is a result of sin, which is all the result of God giving us the free will to choose to love Him.  It's hard for me to see this at times or to believe that it's a price worth paying, I have to trust that God knows better than I do.  I struggle feeling like our love is worthy of the sacrifice Jesus made or can't wrap my head around the fact that God created the world and it was good, and He's essentially had to watch us tear it apart.  What pain and agony we must cause Him on a daily basis.

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this, and am honestly a little distracted by American Idol.  Dude, Scotty! There's no way that's his voice! Haha anyways... I said I was going to use this blog as a way of keeping track of and measuring my spiritual growth .  I know I have a lot more to learn and understand regarding everything I talked about above, but just wanted to share, in part, where I'm at with all of it and some of the struggles I'm having.

Father God here we are servants of Yours in need of Your healing hands once again, the miracle of Zach's recovery is now been overshadowed by Your precious child Eli. please oh please oh please as this family is dealing with so much come now and heal this little boy and rid him this that ails him. Father God we have seen the miracle in Zach and ask boldly again for the miracle of healing in Eli. Lord we need no proof of who You are. It is with our belief that we ask these prayers as we know full well what You can do, and Father God we ask and beg for Your healing touch; for Your mercy and Your grace, Father God, and it is in Your glorious name we give all praise. Amen.

life is a gift, treasure it.

Around 2:30 a.m. this morning my friend Zach woke up and asked for Gatorade.  He's been unconscious for 6 days after an overdose on heroin and his prognosis was not good.  He was hardly breathing when he was brought to the hospital and his face was blue; apparently you could see every vein in face.  After a roller coaster of emotions we finally just trusted that God was going to heal Zach one way or another.  I think the whole city of Cincinnati was praying for him, or at least all of Anderson.  Today God proved, yet again, that He hears our prayers and He answers them.  I just pray that Zach's heart has been touched through all this and he realizes the miracle of life he has been given.  

Please please please talk to your loved ones about drugs.  It's not a joke.  This was the second time Zach used and he almost lost his life for it.  He should be brain dead from hours without oxygen.  You are not immune. None of us are immune.  You play with fire and you will get burned; one way or another, you will get burned.  

praying God's word

Lord, in my heart I plan my course, but You determine my steps (Proverbs 16: 9).  Life is not going as I planned.  I am grateful that You are not caught off guard.  You knew everything that would befall me.  Please direct my steps as You determine.  I need You, Lord.  Carry me when I cannot walk.

I want to trust in You, Lord, with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I will acknowledge You, and You will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3: 5-6).

My God is in heaven; He does whatever please Him (Psalms 115: 3).  Lord, sometimes my only answer will be that You are sovereign.  Your Word says that the death of Your saints is absolutely precious to You (Psalms 116: 15).  One day I will have all the answers.  Until then, I must trust that You have power and dominion over all things and that You know best.  Help me to believe this even when I don't feel this.

I cry to You, Lord, in my trouble.  Save me from my distress (Psalms 107: 13).

I desire to dwell in the shelter of You, the Most High.  I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of You, Lord, "You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." (Psalms 91: 1-2).

So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:10-12)

Father God Your daughter her friends Your children are in need of you this very instant. They are desperate for your healing hand to intervene and and come crashing into this young man's heart, mind, body and soul send your healing spirit here not only to your son but to the unborn child's mother that she may know your loving touch that she not drive any more pain into your son and for his family and our friends bring your spirit of comfort, that into your hands this will be done according to your character and mercy. father god we plead with you now that all afflicted by by this horrible disease of a drug be brought to wholeness and the spirit of love come crashing down among all those whom you call children father God we beg for your mercy and your strength and your healing please oh please father god now we need you come come and heal us now.