necessary endings.

This theme of [ letting go - pruning - ending ] has been everywhere around me lately and I'm being challenged to see this as a good thing. I have a horrible time letting go, particularly when it comes to people. I struggle with change. Yet, God is pushing me to see that change is good. He's even challenging me to let go of good things for the potential of something greater. This is not easy.

A key example in my life right now is the engagement of my best friend. I am overjoyed for her and her fiance, yet my happiness is tinged with sadness as I think about what this ultimately means: the loss of my roommate. Granted that is a ways down the road, but I feel the perceived loss now. It's something I've talked about with her, so it's not like I'm airing dirty laundry on the internet. I don't feel this as heavily as I did at first and God is moving me to a place of excitement in the season/journey to come. I'm excited for my friend and the ways I will be able to share in this journey with her, as well as the changes to come for me. I'm excited for the prospect of a new roommate, who could not possibly take the place of my current one, but who will bring new challenges, joy and growth.

This morning I was listening to a sermon on necessary endings given by Dr. Henry Cloud in which he talks about how endings are a part of God's plan for our lives. He gives the example of a rose bush and how it produces too many buds and cannot sustain them all. The gardener has to determine which are the best buds that are going to make it to full fruition of what a rose ought to be and has to prune the rest, so those few will be able to receive the resources they need. He focuses a lot on the passage from Ecclesiastes, acknowledging that in certain seasons of our life something or someone may have had a purpose in our lives, but at later points God is calling us to let that thing/person go. Out of fear, we may cling to that thing/person/situation or we try to "recycle old inventory" (i.e. we try to revert to old ways or relationships expecting it to be different). We can either choose to go to the new land or we can go back to what we know and what is comfortable, even if it's not healthy.

• "We create a future that's just like our present because we just keep doing the same thing over and over."  
• Endings take courage.  
• There must be a death before a resurrection. 

And then the daily devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries hit on the same topic. I love this excerpt:

I had a choice: I could concentrate on my perceived loss or I could center my attention on God's perspective and His purpose for my life. You see, God's plans for us do not include looking back, longing for the past, or wishing for days gone by. Instead we can ask our faithful Father to point us toward a new purpose. He'll give us His perspective on our future.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - This is my prayer for this season.

LOVE will show the way.

You say you see no hope, you say you see no reason
We should dream that the world would ever change
You're saying love is foolish to believe
'Cause there'll always be some crazy with an Army or a Knife
To wake you from your day dream, put the fear back in your life...

Look, if someone wrote a play just to glorify
What's stronger than hate, would they not arrange the stage
To look as if the hero came too late he's almost in defeat
It's looking like the Evil side will win, so on the Edge
Of every seat, from the moment that the whole thing begins
It is...

Love who makes the mortar
And it's love who stacked these stones
And it's love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness love can show the way

So now the stage is set. Feel you own heart beating
In your chest. This life's not over yet.
so we get up on our feet and do our best. We play against the
Fear. We play against the reasons not to try
We're playing for the tears burning in the happy angel's eyes
For it's...

a hopeful kind of sad

Tonight I just felt the need to re-receive the encouragement and love of friends. These are from various cards I have received over the past several months.

 July 2012: "Remember that the Lord knows exactly what you need and desire. He is everything you need; and He will provide. Continue to ask Him what He finds important in a man. This is a messy yet beautiful process. Tonight I am praying for the man you will someday marry. And you can trust that I will faithfully continue to do so. Pursue our papa with all you have and watch as your heart continues to soften and heal. I pray and bless you to receive the extravagant love He has for you."

June 2012: "I am so glad that our friendship has been growing and forming over the past couple years. You are an incredibly strong and loyal and dependable woman who I consider a great friend. You have so much wisdom bottled up inside of you, I feel like I learn new things almost every conversation we have. I love you dearly."

March 2012: "I am so proud of you! You have grown so much over the last couple years. You are continually wiser, softer, more gracious, loving and healthy. I hate that you're having to deal w/such heavy burdens right now. It's now fair & it's not right & you don't deserve it. I know this pain is the work of the enemy & result of the Fall. The only blessing I see in the situation is you. You are strong. You know the Lord & you are choosing to live a different story. You won't continue the patterns of your family & even on the hardest of days when you feel most broken - even still - you will be a light."

January 2012: "Girlfriend, we have fought for our friendship! And I am so glad. The more I get to know you, the more I love you. You are certainly a woman of great strength and virtue.  You have amazing wisdom & I feel like God is able to speak purely through you. I love this season of growth that you are in and that you are taking your friends right alongside you. You are a beautiful and courageous woman & I am blessed to call you friend!"